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“You never come back, not all the way. Always there is an odd distance between you and the people you love and the people you meet, a barrier thin as the glass of a mirror, you never come all the way out of the mirror; you stand, for the rest of your life, with one foot in this world and no one in another, where everything is upside down and backward and sad.”
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia

“I wanted to kill the me underneath. That fact haunted my days and nights. When you realize you hate yourself so much, when you realize that you cannot stand who you are, and this deep spite has been the motivation behind your behavior for many years, your brain can’t quite deal with it. It will try very hard to avoid that realization; it will try, in a last-ditch effort to keep your remaining parts alive, to remake the rest of you. This is, I believe, different from the suicidal wish of those who are in so much pain that death feels like relief, different from the suicide I would later attempt, trying to escape that pain. This is a wish to murder yourself; the connotation of kill is too mild. This is a belief that you deserve slow torture, violent death.”
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia

(Source: forlade)

“When you walk away from those that didn’t respect you when you were there, your absence ends up being on their mind and they are plagued with thoughts: like "why did they cut ties? Why did they block me off of everything, why don’t they care anymore?" And then they feel the need to blame the other person instead of realizing their own mistakes and say things like "They were never my friend. I always cared, they never did." We get tired of hearing the ‘wah, wahs’ from folk that are destined to pretend to care about everything and everyone. Some people stop being friends with others not because they want something more they weren’t ready to give but because they come to realize that they were just toxic to their health. Why stay friends with anyone that is intrusive, stabs them in the back whenever they can, makes fun of them for being hurt and has no respect for their life, thoughts, perspectives, dreams or aspirations. If anyone needs to learn the importance of moving on, moving forward and letting go, we need to move away from anyone that has not and will not offer anything positive in the forms of a friendship. Maybe with your absence they can now use their time to focus on trying to be real and get things they want out of life instead of being focused on why you are gone and how bad a friend you were because you let go and moved on. You deserve happiness away from people that don’t really want you to be happy.”

— Joanna Strafford  (Becoming Joanna Strafford: The Collected Quotes and Writings Vol 3)

(Source: joannas-writing-page)